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Living Fully . . .

A friend shared an article with me today, posted on NPR called a Brush with Death. The article speaks to the subject of slow motion that is often reported when someone has a life threatening experience.

The authors, Jad Abumrad and Robert Krulwich focus on the work of Dr. David Eagleman, a Neuroscientist at Baylor College of Medicine. Dr Eagleman has studied the experience and had one of his own as a child.

Dr. Eagleman sought to understand what was happening in those who had this experience and came to the conclusion that what was going on was not a question of perception but one of memory of the event. "it's all about memory, not turbo perception. "Normally, our memories are like sieves," he says. "We're not writing down most of what's passing through our system." Think about walking down a crowded street: You see a lot of faces, street signs, all kinds of stimuli. Most of this, though, never becomes a part of your memory. But if a car suddenly swerves and heads straight for you, your memory shifts gears. Now it's writing down everything — every cloud, every piece of dirt, every little fleeting thought, anything that might be useful."

There is a field of study called Epigenetics that is looking at the roles of our ancestors in our lives as it relates to our health and wellness and our predispositions. I would take these studies a step further as some have done and explore the role of emotional experience and it's role in our lives.

Going back to Dr. Eagleman's research on the role of perception verses memory, I would share that I think both shape our personal and global worlds. Not just at the physical level but at the emotional and spiritual level as well.They are one in the same and it does not take a near death experience to go to this place of timelessness or slow motion he is taking about.

My life as a little girl and teenager had it's share of stress and pain. I like many children in our country experienced abuse in my home. My dad was a Korean War Veteran and with that came other pain in our family.I also remember good times, times that stood out equally to the painful times. What I learned as a result of the painful times was how to be strong, loving, compassionate, caring, forgiving and strong. The good times taught me to laugh, to dare to seek adventure, to reach out, to be more than my experiences of pain. It has been my process over many years to come to the place where I am now, which is one of gratitude for all of my life experiences.

As I've walked my path of understanding and forgiveness in my family my research into my family history has begun to uncover a pattern of pain as well as strength. In the past month I've confirmed what I have always known and felt in my heart, that my ancestors were among those accused of being witches and put to death for it. My 10th generation great grandmother, Mary Towne Esty, and my 10th generation great aunt Rebbecca Nurse (they were sisters) were both wrongly accused of being witches and brought to trial and hung within the same year. These women were strong women. They stood their ground, standing firm in maintaining their innocence, knowing that to do so would likely mean their death. Others who were accused pleaded guilty to witchery so that they might hopefully live. Some managed to live, others did not.

Mary and Rebbecca refused to plead guilty and in going to their deaths their actions are what what led to the ceasing of these trials in New England.

A great aunt on my mothers side was murdered as a young mother and little is known about the details.

My grandmother on my mothers side died in her 30s' after living much of her adult life with an abusive husband, who also abused their children.

More than a few of the women in my family had a history of trauma and pain, and along with that physical health challenges that often led to their deaths. Many of them were also living their lives as victims or survivors of trauma.

In later 2008 my own world came apart in that slow motion kind of way that Dr. Eagleman speaks about. Some call this experience the 'Dark Night of the Soul" Some might call it mid life crisis. Some spiritual awakening.

In my life it was labeled OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) as a result of PTSD (Post traumatic stress disorder). In the Civil War what I was feeling was called a Soldiers Heart. In my fathers day it was called Shell Shock.

For me, I really feel like my journey was more about my moving into another experience of reality. In as much as Dr. Eaglemans article speaks to the experience as more memory than perceptual I would have to say that for me it was and is about perception and memory. I moved through the stories of trauma and pain that my ancestors held, that I was carrying in my own body, in my DNA.

My own personal experience in this life, as well as the experience's of those who have come before me are part of the story that is me. I am also much more than the story of those who came before me and it is awareness that makes the difference. With awareness comes choice.With awareness comes my ability to understand what my body is feeling. What my memories and perceptions are shaped by, often at an unconscious level.

In Epigenetics, the memory of trauma can be retained and or passed down, such as disease states in ancestors of the Potato Famine. It is my deep belief and experience that we can also pass on the memory and perceptions to future generations. I've felt it myself, all of my life. Without understanding of the stories, of the untold experiences of those who had come before me, I was floating in an ocean of knowledge bumping up against things I could not see that confused me and caused me to live in fear. With understanding, I have chosen to see what's in the water, honor it ,and learn from the wisdom contained. I'm lighting my way by shining my light.

While in misunderstanding I railed in the water, fought the current, pushed against it with deep anger and rage. As I began to uncover my history, the story of who I was, who I was living in my body, I began to breath easier, to surrender to the gentle lapping of the water.

I saw that I could choose to rail and be angry or I could choose to give thanks for the great strength of those who came before me and for the pain, and joy in my own life. I could carry on with the anger they felt, the victimhood, or I could stop, be in the NOW, and give thanks to them for being my teachers so that I could choose love.

I choose the latter. I stopped fighting and opened to the love and wisdom of myself and my ancestors. I send them love in their present moments. Strength, compassion, forgiveness, and all that is good.

I am a strong and loving women who comes from a long line of strong and loving women, each making their way in the world, with something to teach.

I liken the state Dr. Eagleman talks about to meditation. To Bodhicitta (compassionate heart). To living in the NOW. To gratitude and appreciation for each moment.To each chirp of a cricket, flap of a wing, twinkle of a star . . . where am I in the moment . . . beta, alpha, theta, delta, gamma states of brain and awareness (gamma is where healers spend a lot of their time).

We, each of us, can do that too and I believe we do when we go to that still quiet place of our love and passions. Whether that be painting, working with clay, writing, singing, prayer, meditation, walking in the woods, or humming to our newborn. It's that place where love lives. I don''t think we have to have a near death to go there. The near death or dark night of the soul experience can be seen as a gift, if we are blessed with the experience, that can awaken us to the knowledge that this place of stillness and peace is alive within each of us.

I called my experiences in 2008 exquisite pain. My journey into slow motion and from there, deep peace and grace.I'll say it again, I don't believe we have to go to that place through a near death experience or some other form of deep pain. We also need not be concerned with needing to be in that place of peace and grace 24/7. Simply knowing it exists within us allows us the ability to come and go from it, and to spend nurturing moments within it whenever we can. Moments that  fuel the rest of our days, the rest of our lives.

It is the beauty of all that is, all around us, within us. We  need only stop for a moment to give witness to it. It is, we are, the sacred, the timeless,  the love . . .within all things . . .The key lies in understanding . . . in the awareness of each one of us that we are so much more.

Love and many blessings . . .

Nellie

Please Note, the information and services provided by or through WyseWomen LLC, WyseWomen Wellness ©,  WyseWomen the Blog, Cantadora's Way, Magdalene Abbey, Nellie P. Moore, or other advertisers, or providers of services on this blog are not to be used to treat or diagnose any condition, disease, client, patient, or individual. The ideas, information and services provided are not intended to be a substitute for consult or treatment with a qualified physician, therapist, or other qualified helping professional. 

Mothers Day . . . Behind The Scenes

I lay in bed this morning rereading my Mothers Day card from my husband, deeply touched by his love and support and it occurred to me that mothers day is so much more than that.

For starters I would not be a mom without the man I love (Brad) who has helped out in making these great kids possible. I have to also say thank you to Wayne (Niki's Dad who has passed on) for the dad that he became.

Brad means so much to me and I love him dearly! He has supported me every day of our many years together. He has worked for over 30 years to support our family. Long days and sometimes nights, not to mention back in the early days a fair share of weekends and overnights at distant locations for business trips. He has helped clean up assorted bodily fluids after one or the other of our children had a cold or flu or threw up or had diarrhea. He’s made emergency hospital runs for beads stuck in the nose, twisted ovaries, bleeding heads and high fevers. He has picked up one child or the other more times than I can remember from one event or another. Play rehearsals, softball practice or a game, baseball practice or a game, gymnastics practice or a meet, movie nights, sleepovers, church events, school events, work pick up or drop off, airports and the list goes on. He has supported me as a new mom, seasoned mother, frustrated mother, ill mother and filled in during the moments I was not able to be there. He has been a partner when his mom was dying and helped me to care for her as she had her last days at home with us. He supports me, our kids, our church, our neighbors, and his colleagues at work. He plays golf with the kids, has movie night with our kids, and in general is a great dad which supports me in being a great mom. He is part of the reason I am a great mom.

I would not also not be a mom were it not for the great kids I have, each one of them means the world to me and I love them dearly! I started out more than a little naïve. I was a very young mom the first time around and though I thought I knew everything, what I knew could likely have fit on the head of a pin. In as much as I was and am their mom, they are my teachers. I’ve learn how to deal with pneumonia in a 1 year old (Niki) who spent her first birthday in the hospital, how to deal with high fevers and wool socks (all three kids – wool socks Tim), allergies (all three again) chipped teeth after falling off a shopping cart (Tim) while also dealing with his sister (Niki) in the back seat of the car on the way to the doctors who was threatening to pass out and throw up from the little bit of blood from Tim’s fall, Migranes, (Tim) twisted ovary (Niki at 16), migraines (Tim), sprained ankles (Fallon) neck and back spasms (Fallon), the loss of a father (Niki’s dad when she was 17) Dehydration with the flu that called for an ER visit and an IV (Fallon) and I could go on. Then there are all the wonderful things that mom taxi does. Softball, baseball, plays, sleepovers, sporting events . . . and so on. I've meet some great parents and some great kids and they have all helped me to be a better mom. They have taught me so much.

Homemade gifts are some of the best. Flower pots, Hand made cards, hand drawn pictures, hand woven yarn pieces, hand made stuffed animals, clay figures, handmade plates, turkey thumbprints, magnets, and countless yummy dinners. All of them are great cooks and each one has made me many meals. Last night for Mothers Day it was home made mac and cheese and bruchetta. Yummo!!!  A meal that our son Tim cooked and one of our favorites. In the past Niki and Fallon have cooked pork loin with apple butter, asparagus and sweet wild rice with saffron. More yummo!

I also need to mention my sister and friend (Barb) who has been on the listening and championing end of more than one phone call as a wonderful mom herself.

Then there are my many friends, one (Patty) who is also like a sister and who has been with me from a tubal pregnancy and a backwards bedpan, to a hospitalization in July of 2008 that brought me to my knees. Others, including Patty have been there to help with many of the things a mom needs, like a listening ear, hugs, celebrations, laughter, tears, parties, weddings, and fried pork steak.

I have beamed pride and shed tears over each of my children because of how proud I am of them. They are amazing, funny, intelligent, caring, creative,  compassionate, loving beings, each of them making a difference in the world in all that they be, do, and are.

Thank you guys for making Mothers Day what it is, each and every year! I can't wait till next year!

I love you!

Mom ~ Nellie

Please Note, the information and services provided by or through WyseWomen LLC, WyseWomen Wellness ©,  WyseWomen the Blog, Cantadora's Way, Magdalene Abbey, Nellie P. Moore, or other advertisers, or providers of services on this blog are not to be used to treat or diagnose any condition, disease, client, patient, or individual. The ideas, information and services provided are not intended to be a substitute for consult or treatment with a qualified physician, therapist, or other qualified helping professional. 

The Power Of Neutral

The Power Of Neutral . . .

Neutral ® is a really powerful tool.

As long as I have been a HeartMath ® provider and well before, I used some form of neutral usually coming through in my mediation techniques or in studying Buddhism. Yet still I take it deeper and have a richer understanding of what neutral or detachment means.

The other day I was exploring my beliefs and looking at them, some I did not even realize that I had. What lead me to it was a conversation that I had had with my husband and daughter and how I had found myself snapping at them. I looked at that and saw it as an automatic response based on a belief that had nothing at all to do with present time.

Over the course of the next couple of days (and I am still exploring this) I began to explore my automatic responses and beliefs. Expectations of how I felt people 'should' be. Expectations are one of those areas that I coach with clients all the time and I use the tools with myself all the time. Yet here I was looking at myself in the light of neutral and of expectations from a very deep space.

What I have realized for myself is that many of my expectations have been hidden underneath beliefs and both of those things on an underlying belief level. I make a distinction between Core Beliefs ®  as HeartMath uses them, and Underlying Beliefs - that thanks to a Visionary Business ® course I have been taking through the mentorship of Marc Allen,  co-founder of New World Library and author of many books.

He brought up the idea that Core Beliefs can seem more solid, like cement, where as Underlying Beliefs are something that can be more pliable to change. Something to consider and I have been. So now I am being very aware in my thoughts and my reactions to people, places, things, memories. Proactive rather than reactive. That old saying about not putting your foot in your mouth.

I'm realizing that for me the best thing I can do is to give myself time and really process before I respond to something. On the one hand it might seem like a lot of energy and effort to do that. What I am realizing however is that it is simply about being in the NOW. If I am in the NOW, to the best of my ability, I am in neutral, not processing something past or future, and expectations which to me are based on one of those two things, don't happen. So now I am doing my best to be in the NOW (Eckhart Tolle - The Power Of Now), knowing I am Spirit in human form, taking it one day at a time. It's really eye opening and inspiring to be aware of myself from such a centered place when I am able to do it. It's a tool I have been using with my clients but never at this level. From here forward  with my new awareness, that changes.

Blessings,

Nellie

Please Note, the information and services provided by or through WyseWomen LLC, WyseWomen Wellness ©,  WyseWomen the Blog, Cantadora's Way, Magdalene Abbey, Nellie P. Moore, or other advertisers, or providers of services on this blog are not to be used to treat or diagnose any condition, disease, client, patient, or individual. The ideas, information and services provided are not intended to be a substitute for consult or treatment with a qualified physician, therapist, or other qualified helping professional.

PATHWAYS OF HEALING

 

Pathways Of Healing

A Workshop Exploring Natural Health
Featured Speaker:
Lewis Mehl-Madrona, MD, PhD, MPhil

Investigate: Cherokee Bodywork,  The Medicine Wheel, Role of Community, Stories of Our Lives, Creating Sacred Space Much More. . .
June 11-13, 2010

Lewis Mehl-Madrona's story of searching for his ancestral roots became a story of seeking mind, body, spirit, and community integration. The need for a parallel path to biomedicine became apparent in medical school when he learned from the professor of medicine and pharmacology that "life was a relentless progression toward death, disease, and decay. The physician's job is to slow the rate of decline." By that weekend, Lewis had found a Cherokee healer with whom to study. That was 1973 and he hasn't stopped his studying with elders.

Please come join us in this workshop and experience your own balance among mind, body, spirit, and community.

To read a workshop overview, Lewis's Bio, and access the Registration form   ClickHere

To read a bit more about Cherokee Bodywork read on . . .

Native American Bodywork Practices

by Lewis Mehl-Madrona, MD

In this piece, Lewis Mehl-Madrona, who is of Cherokee and Lakota heritage, shares insights into types of bodywork practiced by Native American peoples.
All peoples have methods for hands-on therapy, what we now call bodywork. The Cherokee people of North America, for example, were well versed in body therapies and energy healing. They developed a comprehensive, sophisticated bodywork system that encompassed a form of osteopathic massage and manipulation, breath, and energy work. Central to this technique are the alternation of deep pressure and gentle rocking release. The breath was also used to reanimate the body and “draw spirit” into affected tissues. They also used crystal scanning and healing as well as the channeling of spirits and energy medicine. . . Read more by Clicking Here

Sponsors of The Pathways of Healing Workshop

Earth and Sky Living
www.earthandskyliving.com


Nellie Moore
WyseWomen, LLC
651.894.3208
www.wysewomen.typepad.com

The Bookhouse in Dinkytown
http://bookhouseindinkytown.com


http://www.Healthy.net


Denise Gunderson
Healing Waters QiGong Center
516 2nd St. #208
Hudson,WI 54016
715-381-8123
www.healingwatersqigong.com


Maria Shea, MA
Licensed Professional Counselor
AWAKEN COUNSELING & WELLNESS
Hudson & Spring Valley WI
715.505.7268
www.awakencounselingandwellness.com

 

Many Blessings,

Nellie

Please Note, the information and services provided by or through WyseWomen LLC, WyseWomen Wellness ©,  WyseWomen the Blog, Cantadora's Way, Magdalene Abbey, Nellie P. Moore, or other advertisers, or providers of services on this blog are not to be used to treat or diagnose any condition, disease, client, patient, or individual. The ideas, information and services provided are not intended to be a substitute for consult or treatment with a qualified physician, therapist, or other qualified helping professional.

Lady Katherine . . . Women's Fitness With A Touch of Sass . . .

So what have I been up to lately . . . the logo on the left might give you a bit of an idea.

It all started back in late fall when there was a women's wellness event at the River Falls Public Library.

Our oldest daughter Niki and I decided to go and made the rounds of all the vendors that were displaying their passions, via the work that they do. As we made our way downstairs and started walking the circuit Niki went one way and I went the other.

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As I came around the corner what did I see but a very fit women and a table with  a pair of the most sassy shoes I had ever seen. She turned out to be Lady Katherine, otherwise know as Katherine Fossler.I put my name on her mailing list as she was out of business cards and I filed it away in my mind that it would be fun to take a class. Tap into my feminine side.

Weeks came and went and I was busy with my coaching practice and life in general. Then a women I know made the announcement that there was going to be auditions for the Vagina Monologues at UWRF (University of Wisconsin River Falls) and she was the Director. I immediately said I am going to try out. Keep in mind I have never done anything like this before. School choir, church choir, plays of a sort as a kid, but that was it; and yet I was there at tryouts the first night in spite of a big snowfall that was making getting around a challenge.

What had come over me I wondered? I was going to go on stage and talk about Vagina's in front of hundreds of people. People I did not even know! Women and Men! Young and Old! And I was excited to do it! I still am. It seems that I have tapped into my Divine Feminine after all of these years. Whooo Hoooo!

You see as a child I had been in touch with my body as a pliable, free flowing spirit. I loved to sing and dance. Dancing in particular was so much fun. I could move my hips and torso in ways I did not see others doing. I felt good and very connected to life. Then my friends who saw me dance and move began to tell me (as an 11 year old) that the way I was moving looked like I was a hooker and I was inviting trouble. Yes, eleven year olds do have an idea of what it means to be a hooker. Other words and terms were used and whether I understood them or not, I got what they were saying and stopped dancing. I felt shame and guilt for moving the way that I had. I filed away that information and how my body could move for many years, decades even.

In recent years some good friends and very intuitive women had told me that they sense this part of me that is movement and flow. Divine Feminine, Goddess, teacher, healer, movement, dance and flow.

Each encouraged me to take action and do something about it. I took Flamenco and Cha Cha dancing briefly, belly dancing twice and briefly, but the old files were still there and I stopped dancing shortly after I started each time. Feeling the old feelings of shame, the old memories of my movement and flow that had been joyful, as wrong, I stopped dancing each time.

A couple of minor low back injuries over the years and back pain made it even easier to ignore that part of me.

Then I saw the shoes and met Katherine. . . connect the dots. I try out for the Vagina Monologue's . . . and I begin to release a floodgate of understanding about the beauty and strength of women. I look at the old stories that were true for the friends who told them to me, and I made them true for me too.

I coached a client who spoke to a part of themselves that they had put away and that too inspired me to reclaim my sense of self. All of me.

I revisited the stories and saw them for what they were. Experiences I had had. Someone else's stories and perceptions and filters. Not mine.

Next came an e-mail from Lady Katherine sharing that there was going to be a Santa Baby Workshop. Aha! A chance for me to check it out with no commitment and walk swiftly to the door if it wasn't for me.

Class day came around and I said ohhhh, "I'm tired and I still have Christmas presents to wrap, maybe I'll just write off the $20.00 for the class".

Well I thought of the other times I had backed away from my flow and I said, "No, I am going to do this".

I left home, stopped at Target bought some yoga wear to move in and showed up just as we were getting started.

I had no idea what I was in for save for what I had seen when I had gone to an exotic dance club in Chicago with some friends and watched women dance with the pole, in laps with pasties on their nipples while they got money tucked in their panties. It was beautiful to watch in the perspective that these women were beautiful and they knew it.

I was NOT  however looking for money in my panties.

What I found at Lady Katherine was an amazing gathering of women all coming together to celebrate being women, coming together to experience healthy, fit, bodies. Coming together to experience a sense of personal empowerment at what our bodies can do. Bending, stretching, working out, dancing, working with weights and mats, and poles; laughing at how much fun we were having.

What I discovered first and foremost is that these classes are for us. For our own fitness, connection with our bodies, and our self esteem. For our empowerment. We get to choose whether or not we want to share what we learn with a loved one. It's about loving ourselves or so that is what I am coming away from these classes with.

Oh, I did say classes didn't I . . . at the end of that Santa Baby Workshop I bought a pair of shoes, as it turns out the highest heels Lady Katherine carries (who knew - GRIN) I went home and wrapped them up for my husband for Christmas. He opened them and grinned from ear to ear. He calls them his shoes. I tell him, "No, their mine". One of these days he might get to see me in them. For now I'm using them for me at class.

Two weeks later, after buying a dress for the Vagina Monologue's I realized that I really wanted to feel good in the dress up on stage. I really wanted to feel good in my body. Better than I have in a long while. Celebrating me. I wanted to tone the chicken wings, you know those flaps under your arms, and the extra jiggle in my walk. And the Riblets, Katherines term for the little bulge of skin that pops out from under your bra, or you see as little roles on your ribs when things are a little loose in the torso or boobage (don't know who coined that term - grin) area.

I called Katherine this Monday and started classes that night. In two classes, ( not counting Santa Baby) my third class this week is tonight ( Abs and Booty) I feel more cconnected to my body than I have since I was 11. I find myself feeling taller - No, not because of the shoes - walking with a bit of a swing to my hips as I stroll through Target or County Market, and swiveling my way around my house during the day. Just stopping and moving my body and celebrating how good it feels that I can. I feel a pride and connection to myself that I've taken out of that file from long ago.

I have the sense that many of the women who have come through Lady Katherine's doors have felt or feel the same. Anyone can do this. It's a loving, nurturing way to connect with your body, become fit, have a great time, and do it in a place that is tasteful and caring.

I've done the standard fitness club thing. It does not compare to the fun that this is to work your body.

Not only do I feel better as a women, as a women's wellness coach I am bringing it into my work. The flow and movement that I am regaining in my body I am bringing into my work. I'm even considering customizing my work to support women who are celebrating themselves in this way.

For me this experince is mind, body, spirit, wellness; and I love it!

To learn more about Lady Katherine should you have a desire  Click Here

Warm Winter Blessings,

Nellie

Please Note, the information and services provided by or through WyseWomen LLC, WyseWomen Wellness ©,  WyseWomen the Blog, Cantadora's Way, Magdalene Abbey, Nellie P. Moore, or other advertisers, or providers of services on this blog are not to be used to treat or diagnose any condition, disease, client, patient, or individual. The ideas, information and services provided are not intended to be a substitute for consult or treatment with a qualified physician, therapist, or other qualified helping professional.

 

 

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The Wisdom of Sisters

On Friday I posted about wisdom based on a conversation I had with a friend. She sparked within me this deep response to her feedback about my wisdom. As is often the case, and more so each day, I opened to the flow of my writing and channeling my hearts wisdom. The words, my knowing just flowed. When I finished with the note I felt like it was important to share  part of my response with her here.

I have journals filled with these kinds of what I guess I would call gifts of the Spirit to me. I've also got e-mail outboxes full of these kinds of posts where my writing/Spirit flows through me. Some might call it my higher wisdom or guides. I just know that the words and energy flow and  wisdom, the teachings  are there for me.

Friday was the first time that I decided to place out in the world what I receive. It's time for me to do this. It's another part of me being my authentic self.

I feel like I need to make it clear that what I share here, the things that flow through my writing and my work are through my frame of reference and my experiences. They are a result of my own spiritual journey. If what I write and share in some way speaks to you personally and gives you joy, or an aha moment, I am honored and heartfully grateful. My motto is consider using or exploring what works and speaks to your heart. What resonates with you and gives you what I call truth bumps. Leave the rest that does not speak to you. You are always your own best guide to what is true. I offer my own perspective and you ultimately choose your truth, your path.

I sense for me that it is this amazing dance that I do with my conscious self, my unconscious self and my higher self, some might call it my over soul that helps me to connect to my/this wisdom or intuitive knowing. I also feel that we can all do it. I also feel my life experiences have helped me to fine tune my sensitivities and it makes for a wonderful gift to be able to share with my clients and students.

When I say we can all do it I mean that we all have this inner sense of things. It may come out in different ways for different people but I really feel it is there. It may be expressed through someone who is an artist on her canvas. By someone who is a singer through the range and tone of her voice. By a healer or someone in the helping professions by her ability to hold compassionate, loving heart space for the person she is supporting or caring for.

My sense is that it is an innate (natural) ability that we all have. How it shows up differs. Things like life experience, and our personal stories or the personal stories of our family may shape and color our perceptions of our gifts. We may be aware of the gifts as young children and then they fade to the background as we start to grow up, and then perhaps find the gifts coming to the surface again as we have moved through the active growing up years of our children and we find we again have a little more me time in the midst of ferrying  or kids to high school sports events.

Or maybe the gifts were always with us and we knew how to use them and channeled them in our work.

We may have been aware of the gifts but did not see them as gifts and thought about ourselves that we were odd, or out of place in the world for being 'so sensitive' and so we might have tryed to place our round knowing in a square hole knowing that the square corners hurt or did not feel right but it seemed like this was how it had to be because that was the way most people seemed to be and and we wanted to fit in.

Then one day we realize, for whatever reason and in whatever way, that our sensitivities are in fact gifts.

We realize that the stories we grew up with might be true as they related to our parents or grandparents, but they were not the whole story. Those stories came through their life experience filters and frames of reference and we get to have our own frame of reference for what is true. By choosing to have our own frames we do no dis-honor to our parents or those we love and care about. We are simply realizing that while the story may have somewhat shaped the containers of our homes, it is not who we are as a whole. Each generation has the opportunity to re-frame the story. Honor the experiences of our ancestors and what they lived, but also to know that we can learn from their stories, and yet not claim them as our own personal story that determines our own life path.

Sometimes we are not even aware of the family stories but we can feel something. As I said in my last post, I'm not sure that you can ever really know your parents. They are containers of their life experiences just as we get to be for our own experiences. You can question what you are feeling with your heart and ask, what is this I am feeling? Is it mine or someone else's and see what comes to you.

Note also that stories may also relate to abundance in our lives. Anyone with family connections in the US is likely to have as part of the family story the challenges of the Depression and the sense of lack, poverty that may have been present. I know it was part of my families history. Poverty, lack, deservedness. Something to consider as you look at your own stories. If you are carrying lack as part of your story, do you want to change it? Become aware of the stories and consider what is true for you. write a new chapter.

You can also start asking questions of family members to learn more about your heritage. What were the stories i.e. life experiences that your parents had. You aunts and uncles and cousins? They can be treasure troves of information for you. You might think of it like a genealogy project where you are creating a family tree out of family stories. Whose stories are they? Who told them first. Where was the seed event for the story. The seed being when the story started. The original event. Did it repeat in the family? Did other relatives carry the story forward? How many people in the family lived a version of the seed event and kept it going. Was the story life affirming or did it deplete how they felt in their daily lives. How do the stories feel in your life?

Besides your immediate family there may be friends and neighbors who knew your family. People with pictures or stories of the daily life they knew about. Stories that may shed more light for you and give you a bigger picture of who your family was. Keep in mind that those people will also have their own frames of reference and perspective.

Other resources include old newspapers, local historians and the historical society in your town or the town you grew up in. Your family may even have books written about some parts of your family tree as part of mine does. The Merrill family tree, my grandmother on my fathers side has volumes in the Newburyport, Massachusetts library.

Sometimes we can carry these stories for generations. Story is how we communicate. How we heal, pass wisdom forward. We have gathered around some representation of a circle since time began. A circle of stones, a fire pit, the camp fire, the dinner or breakfast table, a quilting circle.

Stories pass from one generation to another and keep the family experiences together. Pass on wisdom, pain, joy, triumph. It's our gift to be able to hear the stories and learn from them, share them as we feel it is right, and in the process, notice what is true or truer about them in our own lives.

Consider as an example a story that no one in the family ever went to college. "We're blue collar workers and that is just how it is so get used to it."

There is nothing wrong with being a blue collar worker. Our country works because of these dedicated women and men. My dad was a blue collar worker in a rubber plant. He was a Private First Class in the Korean War. None the less he contributed some amazing things to his community in how he cared for his fellow Veterans. In my experience class or station in life has nothing to do with what we are capable of and who we are in our hearts.

So you can look at being someone who works at a job that is blue collar as less than, or you can see it as being a part of the backbone, the foundation of this country that would not work without you/us. It's all about how you frame the story. Does the work bring you joy? Does it add to your energy and fulfill you? If not then consider how it can. Invite in the joy. Your Joy.

The same is true for the statement/story that no one in our family has gone to college. Has the story been repeated so many times that it has become a belief? Life breathed into it as the only truth and so it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy?

The above are just examples. Not meant to pick out or point out any particular person. You can substitute any experience or story and find limitation and depletion or joy and fulfillment. It's perspective, frame of reference and personal story that we make our own that can really shape our lives. With self awareness we can honor these stories and choose to add to them. To be what is next in the evolution of the story.

It is possible to look at the stories, notice what may be true for others, and that a new story can emerge. You can be the first person to go to college. The first person to own your particular gift and live your joy, your passion. That's one of the neat things about a story. It's in the eye of the beholder and is always being spun. We learn something new, have a new  experience or seed event and the story grows and changes. 

It's good to know the stories because it helps you to know what shaped the family and you and your place in it, how it may have shaped you or your beliefs of what is true or possible.

It's possible to identify as being the victim or as someone who has come through a challenging time and look for the hidden blessings in the experience. My frame of reference and the story I tell myself and others has a lot to do with what my life experience has looked like and how I choose for it to look going forward.  My awareness of my story and my families stories helps me to choose what is true for me and go on from there. Do I live as the victim or see the blessings in the experience. Where is my place in the story?

For my sister and I, the beautiful one at the top of this page wearing sunglasses, we are aware of the family stories and lived them as children with our parents. And then we choose to be the ones who wrote a new story.

I work with the idea and the power of story with my students and my clients on a regular basis and I am always amazed and blessed by their process as they begin to look at their own stories and the stories of their family. Both told and untold.

I do my best to share my knowing or perspective with our kids, and my husband. Intending and hoping that they know that they are soooo much more than the stories that they have experienced.That I love them and that they can create and live beyond our parents stories, our stories, to something even more wonderful that they deserve and can have.

An example of an untold story and how we just know something even though we don't 'Know' and can't put a finger on it is below.

Our oldest daughter is very gifted (like her aunt) when it comes to finding things out about our genealogy, our ancestors.

Well for years, just about all of my life really, I have felt this connection to the Salem Witch Trials, to the persecution of women. I never had anything I could explain it with. No hard evidence. Just felt knowing. Like I was there.

Well just a couple of days ago as our daughter was researching further and further back on our family tree she discovered that we had two great greats (grand parents) that date back to the time of the Witch trails who were actually part of those events. One of them was a women who was hanged for being accused of being a Witch and the other was a judge who condemned the accused to their deaths.

Both are related to us as great greats. They are part of our family tree. Later on in our lineage there was also a marriage from the descendants of these two people.

So the felt sense I had all these years, call it intuition, call it felt sense, call it DNA knowledge, the story was there. The seed event for persecution was set into place with the potential to be replayed in future generations.

With knowledge of seed events and our own self awareness and questioning, we have the ability to re-frame the story and change the patterns that can be set into place with a seed event. Persecution, victim, abused, women disrespected, etc. Or wise, caring, compassionate, loving, creative, intelligent respected women.

With self awareness comes the potential to re-frame the story. To see it anew and chose a new outcome.

I sense that many of the women in our family identified with this time in our distant history because the repeating patterns of abuse, victimization are there generations back. Possibly dating all the way back to the women who was our great great on the gallows and our other great great who sentenced the accused to death.

What I get from this for myself is that I can honor this women who is my great great and lay down any fear or terror she had, and feeling of persecution, of being a victim and instead honor her courage as she was facing death and she made the statement that she prayed that an end would come to the persecution soon. She was strong, brave, wise, even as she went to her death.

I can choose to identify with her traits of courage and wisdom and let go of centuries of energetic persecution. And likewise any of the story that might be carried about the judge that has been passed on through the generations. I can look at that and choose to see it differently. See it for what at least in part it was. Fear, misunderstanding,  and control of people they feared because they did not understand.

Those things no longer need to be something that I carry any longer. Old fears (as it turns out very old) about living and being the healer and teacher that I am for fear of persecution. Hiding under a bushel basket as someone who is a psychic once told me. I was hiding myself and my light under the basket and it was time to take the basket off. That was many years ago, about ten or so. I let my light peek through the cracks of the basket for a long time but I was afraid to step out of the shadows for a long time.

How many women have done this? How often have we denied our gifts?

The more self aware I become, the brighter my light is. The more I look at my stories or what I made my stories and those of my family the more aware I am about what is true or truer for me. And I see what I can now put down as not mine. I do not have to carry their pain or their stories. I can honor what they lived, acknowledge it, see the gifts in them. The gifts often include compassion, loving kindness, patience, forgiveness and more. I have chosen to see the gifts and focus my frame of reference there. Since the summer of last year I  have been looking with self awareness at the stories and  beliefs of my family and those in my own life.

Our oldest                  daughter adds to this self awareness with her study of our ancestors and from that my understanding grows. Story/event after event/story that I can consciously explore and release what is not true for me. What a gift! And a tool I love sharing with my clients to apply to their own process as we coach together. They take the wisdom inherent within themselves and apply it to their own lives and discover for themselves what is true, or truer.

This leads me to what started this post. My sisters reply to the post I made on Friday about wisdom.

I opened my e-mail Friday afternoon and there it was. I was and still am, deeply touched by what she shared. I paste it below for you, with her permission.

The wisdom of women, the wisdom of sisters is a true blessing and gift. They might be blood related sisters or dear friends in our lives who are our Ya Ya sisters. Like our mutual friend Joyce.

My sisters are wise. They bless me with much and my deepest heartfelt desire and intent is to bless them and support them just as they do me.

I was in Texas for almost three weeks in May. I was there to see my sister, be with her, laugh and play with her, go to my wonderful nephews college graduation, and just have a great time to the best of our ability while also making sure that my sister took care of herself and I helped her in whatever way I could. She is living with a brain tumor that is neither shrinking (so far) or growing.  YAY! to the fact that it is not growing. Again it's all about frame of reference and where I choose to focus my energy. Where she chooses to focus her energy.

Her experiences are another story in our family. It's the frame of reference that we place on her experience that helps her to be as well as she is. She could be the victim. She chooses instead to see the gift in it and stop and smell the roses. In celebrating every moment each day. I choose the same for her and for us as sisters.

I was blessed to be with her for those three weeks this year and I let her know how much fun I had with her. At one point I felt this tremendous wave of compassion and love for her, the likes of which I don't think I had ever allowed myself to feel for her our whole lives together. I'm sure it has been there all of my life  but I hid it deep because my old story was that those I loved would or could go away, especially if it was known that I loved them. That is a part of my old story and while I was in Texas I felt this amazing wave of love for her. A deep shift taking place in me.

Appreciation for her being in my life. Being my little sister, my only sister, being an aunt to our children. Being someone that I can laugh with. Who really gets our family story because she was there too and in her own way she has also re-framed it through the love of her wonderful mother-in-law whom she calls mom and I do to.

This wonderful women gave to my sister the love that our mother was not able to. She nurtured her and helped her to re frame her story. She is an amazing mom to to my sister where our own mom can not be. Likewise she cares for me too and I thank her for her gift to both of us.

I choose to say to my sister now, what I was afraid to say then, because the emotion of love was so strong and in that moment I was afraid of it. Were you here I would say it to you face to face. Look you in the eye, place my hand gently on the side of your face, just as I gently held your hand when you hurt your finger and I channeled Reiki to you.

Barbara I love you. You are my sister and I am so very grateful that you are in my life. There was a lot of years when we were separated. Physically and emotionally. I am back now. I've put together what is true and truer for me. You have helped me with that. The old family stories are no longer true for me and each day I look at them and turn over in my heart another one and release more of what is not true and claim what is true.

Thank you my dear sweet sister and wonderful friend, antiquing, movie going, pop a wheelie in your wheel chair, Starbucks, roaming gnome, smiley faced, best sister friend. I love you and I plan for you and me to be around long past our middle age, which is still very much in the future by my estimates, and we are laughing and playing all the way. Thank you for your love wisdom little sis. I love you.

Barbara's note to me on Friday . . .

Hi Nellie,
 
This is the best blog you have posted to date .  Great writing and very insightful (you hit the nail on the head).  Your explanation is just how my mother-in-law explained it to me when I was so angry with the whole situation relating to our growing up.  Her explanation is exactly what afforded me the opportunity to look at the situation in a different light and allowed me to free myself from its grip and to move on in my life.  Similar to what you said, once a person can get to the point of looking at a situation from this vantage point, it is as though the world is lifted off of your shoulders/chest.  You are then able to use what you know as a powerful tool to bring about insight and change in others.  You never forget what happened, but you use this knowledge/experience to teach compassion and understanding to yourself and others, thus enabling your heart and their hearts the freedom to grow and learn from the experience (whether the experience be bad or good).  When love and/or compassion is exuded in this manner, it is then returned to us tenfold.  I am glad that you are continuing with your writing (you have a gift), and through it you are able to provide knowledge, perspective, and insight to others, thus enabling them to grow within their own life.
 
Love your sis,
Barb  

See I told you, she is pretty wonderful!

Here's to our stories and to discovering what is true or truer.

Love and Blessings,

Nellie

Disclaimer:

Please Note, the information and services provided by or through WyseWomen LLC, WyseWomen Wellness ©,  WyseWomen.com, WyseWomen the Blog, Magdalene Abbey, and Nellie P. Moore are not to be used to treat or diagnose any condition, disease, client, patient, or individual. The ideas, information and services provided are not intended to be a substitute for consult or treatment with a qualified physician, therapist, or other qualified helping professional.

Wisdom . . .

I heard from someone yesterday who said I was wise. I sat thinking about it for a bit and then made my reply to her. After I finished writing it I realized that it was important to me to share this with others. As I sit here now adding this little addition to preface what I wrote below I have to chuckle a little because she called me wise. WyseWomen is the name of my business, my passion, my joy. And it is the essence I feel of all that I do, and  the essence of all of the people that I work with, particularly the women since my focus is women. So here is too all of the ‘Wise” women in the world . . .

To My Friend,

Thank you and you are really sweet. It's (being wise) been a lot of years in the making, this letting go process and I still work at it. My husband is a great teacher too (smile) He knows buttons I have (and I react when he is not even intending to push them) and I still sometimes forget to see the bigger picture and find myself in the drama. Keeps me grounded (Smile)

I feel like finding the good or a greater reason if you will in things was something that I either learned or was gifted with from birth. I could witness what was going on around me, with me, to me and see something larger going on. I’ve been able to see it better and better the older I get. The more awake and aware I get.

I  once wanted to send ground up liver to my mother through the US Postal service to share with her how putridly angry I was with her for the pain I had inside at the time (years ago- pain I was holding onto). I figured that by the time it got to her it would smell so bad and be so rotten she would get a taste of the pain that had festered in me. I did not do it because I was afraid it would open and I'd be in trouble with the Postal Service.

Over the years since that time I've applied time and time again a bigger perspective to it all (therapy helped too). I've chosen to look at what happened as a gift and a great teaching and something that I can give to others. By that I mean that one day I realized that if I could experience what I did with my mother, betrayal, physical and sexual abuse at a young age and then see it in the bigger picture, she as a women with her own pain, I could not only claim my own healing but maybe make a difference in her own healing and the healing of others. Who but a mother, the person that I trusted the most, that carried me for nine months, could do this and leave such an impact on my life. I know that fathers and others also cause pain of this kind. But for me, it being my mother, If I could forgive her and see it as one of the greatest teachings of my life, then perhaps I really had a gift to give.

I started to know her through her story. Her own abuse at the hands of her father and others. As I started to know more of who she was, what story she was living and held as her own I saw what I had taken on unconsciously. I saw how her story had shaped her life and my own. And that I had then lived her story in my life for a time as she repeated with me a form of what happened to her. And I took my experiences and hers in my childhood and made it my whole inner story for a long time.

She did what she knew how to do in raising us. Her own mother died when she was in her early 30's and my mother was 13. She never had her mother in her life to turn to either and her mother was also part of her abuse, if through nothing else than not being able to stop what was happening with her children.

As I started being able to see my mother and see her and her life in this way my perception and pain shifted and changed.

I  now choose to see what happened through the eyes and heart of compassion. For her and for myself. If my mother could do what she did, and I can  look upon her with compassion and understanding, that is a gift that goes beyond my personal healing and hers. It touches the generations that came before her and the ones that will come after me. It touches and blesses my children and has the potential to bless all who have known pain or trauma. I had walked and lived in my old view of my  experience, a personal kind of pain that until last year and 1 month in the hospital I tried my best to deny, hoping for a different reality, wanting my mother to help with the pain, the way a mother tends to a wounded knee, to fix it all and make it better.

Last year I let go of a great deal of it. I realized that my mother could never be the one I turned to when my kids were sick. Or to ask about menopause, or any of the things a daughter goes to her mother for. My hospitalization was deeply awakening to me in helping me to see that I had not let go of that deep longing for my mother, for a friend and confidante that she could not and can not be.

We do not have a close relationship. She is not my friend or in any way close to my children. But she is a woman who deserves compassion and to be loved in the best way I am able. She did the best she knew how. She can make great fudge and knows how to make great hot pickled veggies. I choose to see her for what she can do these days. And for all the things she did not do, despite the personal pain she was in. It could have been so much worse knowing what I now know about her personal story and those of other members of her family growing up.

I'm not sure if we can ever really know our parents. What we can do, if we choose is put down the need to carry their stories as our own. And for the most part know that they did the best they knew how to do, based on what they were given, what they learned, and the personal stories of their lives.

I had been the child, 47 and still longing, till last summer. I was an adult, a mother, a wife, a friend, a caring and compassionate professional, giving my best. And yet, my inner child and me as the adult  had never really let go, never really asked for or accepted help for anything.

I Judged myself for who I was and was not. An intuitive, empathic, feeling person. Guarding my heart to myself, and even to my family for fear of losing what I loved or being judged. I was great with my clients, closed off in many ways to myself and my family.

Last year was my chrysalis. The moth turning into the butterfly. I came out of my cocoon and began to let go of and discover so much that was not true. And to discover each day since then what is true and truer. To really accept my gifts, just as you have done. To share them joyfully. To be in each moment, to the best of my ability in my heart. Sometimes drifting out of the moment but able to hear my personal music and come back.

While I was teaching childbirth educations years ago - Bradley Method, I came across this book that spoke to the birth process in other cultures. It was a book of stories. One story told of how this African village would come together around a pregnant mom and they would sing to the baby and this song was unique for each baby. And they would sing to the baby all the way till it was born. And whenever the little child, young person, adult seemed to lose their way, the village would come together around that person and sing their song to them. It reminded them of who they were/are and called them back to themselves. If they had committed an offense it helped them to make amends by remembering who they were.

I think of this story and think of the songs that sing to all of us. Within us. For me my heartbeat is the song, the music is divinity. My connection to God, Goddess, to love, to beauty and joy. To compassion and loving kindness. Be still and know that I am here. . .

I think/feel Spirit helps me with my wisdom and I know She/He has held me all this time and continues to do so. I doubt sometimes my connection, but when I am still, when I parent and love my children and my husband, and my sister, when I write, when I coach, when I sing, what else but a divine connection and loving heart blesses me to be able to be and do what I am blessed to be and do. And it is in all of us. We can all do this.

I've become more aware of seeing things this way as I've gotten older. Coming from my heart was one of those keys and I was working on this long before I knew about HeartMath ®.  Really I think it is what helped me through my childhood and certainly other challenging times. I'm not sure why me when I know of others who were not able to deal with pain. I know there are many others who have overcome and live joyful lives. And I've heard of those that are stereo typed because of painful experiences, and could not find another way. I don't know. I'm just grateful to be able to have perspective. To see something larger. To experience the challenges and see the gifts.

To know I am loved and love. One day, one moment, at a time. By my family, myself, my friends. By and through the work that I get to do. And to maybe, in some way help others see themselves for who they are.  Amazing, wonderful children of the Divine. Everyone deserves to know that they are loved.

Thanks for inspiring me! From one Wyse Women to another.

Hugs,

Nellie

Disclaimer:

Please Note, the information and services provided by or through WyseWomen LLC, WyseWomen Wellness ©,  WyseWomen.com, WyseWomen the Blog, Magdalene Abbey, and Nellie P. Moore are not to be used to treat or diagnose any condition, disease, client, patient, or individual. The ideas, information and services provided are not intended to be a substitute for consult or treatment with a qualified physician, therapist, or other qualified helping professional.